oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
