Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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