I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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