my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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