im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize