be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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