paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
