Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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