Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
