well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize