I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
