I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
