You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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