White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
