He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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