When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
