just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize