I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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