The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I take back everything I said about communal showers
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
