This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
