thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
