what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
