some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
