Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
