Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize