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All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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