all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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