you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
