Umm I'm too high to move.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
