Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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