My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
