Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
