I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize