If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
