When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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