Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
