She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
