i permit you to call me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i drank out of a bidet.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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