I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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