Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
