I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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