After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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