If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
