Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
