a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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