I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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