I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
