You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
