You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
