i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
