I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
