Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
