I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize