This girl is more easily done than said...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
