I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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