Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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