But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
