i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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