Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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