State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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