hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
