wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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