I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
