Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
