there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
