I think I won the penis lottery.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
