Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
