yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize