nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
