thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
