you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize