so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just want to make out with him forever
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
