i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
