I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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